Cinderella. When I hear love story I automatically think fairy tales. Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Beauty and the Beast...PRINCESS AND THE FROG SAY WHAT? Okay, so that's a little different. I think CLASSIC fairy tales. There is a beautiful princess who is loved and adored by most people-BUT-she has an enemy. There is someone...or something...against her always. The evil step-mother or the Queen or the Beast; (in the beginning anyway) there must be someone against this princess. In every story we sit there-whether we like to admit or not-and hold our breath. We want to see the princess emerge victorious. Girls put themselves in the princess' glass slipper and imagine that it's THEM in the prince's arms at happily ever after. We are all mysteriously attracted to stories...but why?
I can tell you WHAT MAKES US attracted to stories based on my own personal inference. But WHY we're so drawn to them is beyond my logical reasoning. What I can say for sure is that God-the same God from the beginning who is drawing me to Himself-gave it to us. He Himself is a story, He created us as PART of His Story, and He loves to make Himself our personal story. We have a creative, mysterious, breath-taking, affectionate, majestic, beautiful God. He has no need for us and yet He created us. He could've created us to serve Him and yet He gave us free will. He could've made us mindless and empty and robotic and yet He gave us souls; He gave us passion and longing and the innate desire to hear stories and be a part of them. Do you see the creative glory of our God? Do you see that He didn't HAVE to make us with desires and dreams but did it out of sheer jealous affection? You see, God is a jealous God. He wants us to see Him everywhere. He gave us this window, this looking glass, called a soul so that we may turn around one day and reflect His Glory further. He shows Himself to us via stories.
Now we go back to my introduction: Creator God breathes life into me and I am surrounded by perfection. I am the result of His loving and ingenious work. He has great plans for me; He wants me to dwell with Him forever in perfection. But I have my own ideas...and Satan has his own ideas. Like I said, God GAVE us a free will....and NOT accidentally. He wanted us to have a choice all along. (And in fact, that is what makes it a STORY in the end. Otherwise it's just a bunch of facts) So aided by the enemy of God I chose to turn my back on my Creator and choose to go against Him. The music turns sharply to a minor key; the face of the the Creator darkens sorrowfully and the creation loses some of its radiance. The audience holds their breath and begins to lose hope. We trudge woefully through life and feel the taste of death prematurely. Tragedies occur in our lives that leave us broken and in pieces on our knees and we cry out to the Creator. We haven't forgotten Him, in fact we think of Him constantly because we let Him down and broke His Heart and want to go back to the way things were. We begin to lose hope. The step-mother prevails; darkness surrounds; we are in a love-coma, under a curse; we begin to think HE has forgotten us.
Then all of the sudden things turn again. The climax is approaching and you can feel it in the air. Things are changing and fast. Everyone hold their breath and waits to see what has happened. The Creator appears and smiles knowingly at you. You watch Him in a daze as He teaches you and loves on you...and then before you know it YOU YOURSELF-THE ONE THAT WAS CREATED BY HIS PERFECT LOVE-are driving nails into HIS WRISTS. You see, your disease has progressed so far that you are delirious and can't even make out that it's Him anymore. You watch His face twist in agony and feel momentary relief. There is no one asking you to change anymore; you feel the relief of a stone-hard heart. Under some strange compulsion of sin you watch as He dies up on that tree in front of you. The audience burns with anger because they KNOW that this is wrong. YOU made a mistake. You crucified the King of Glory. You had a chance to be saved by God and instead you killed Him in a fit of disillusioned rage. The audience groans. This is the part of Finding Nemo where Marlin and Dory get to P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way Sydney and find Nemo "dead". It seems as if the whole thing was quite pointless.
You go on a little bit from there...kind of breathless in the shock of what you've just done. Suddenly your mind clears and really lose it. The weight of your compulsion strikes you and your agony is unbearable. You realize that you killed God....you killed the beautiful affectionate mysterious loving Creator that you walked with in the garden. The One that you disappointed so much by going against. The One who came to live among mankind again and teach you. You just murdered Him. The grief is so overwhelming that you can't even move. You weep and weep and weep...everything that ever had meaning to you is gone. You destroyed it because of your selfishness. There is NOTHING that you can do at this point to change anything. You've gone quite far enough...and you feel the sting of conviction. Your heart breaks for your sin and you want nothing more than to die. For 3 brutally long days you lie there in a heap and mourn....everything you've ever done against Him from that first moment to this last one returns to your mind and you think of all the pain you've caused Him. The audience is sitting there waiting for this horror to end. It drags on for what seems forever...the pain of mistakes and the fallout of man. It looks like the story is over.
On the third day you are lying there completely numb. Your face is stained with tears and you want nothing more than to see the Creator again. Everything feels quite sharp and blaring...every time you look up at the tree where it happened you wretch. The music swells as you prepare to kill yourself-there is nothing more to live for. The mood is tense and sad and you raise your hand up to finish it off. The very moment before you kill yourself the earth shakes and trembles and booms and you are thrown violently. The planet growls with a glorious thunder and then stops abruptly. Everything turns from the gray it HAS BEEN since your disobedience to warm, glowing light.
You look down at yourself and see that your tattered rags have turned to a flowing white gown. You are so confused and wonder just what is going on-and you turn-and your heart skips a beat-and the music takes one final lift-and you see the Creator standing there before you with holes in His wrists and side. He no longer has agony on His face but relief-and perfect joy- because you are His again. You belong to Him and things are PERFECT as they were before. You fall down at His feet and cry tears of an overwhelmed soul. God explains to you that He is no longer just your Creator----now He is your Savior too. Since that day in paradise when everything went awry He had been waiting to reconcile you to Himself and when the time finally came He came to you knowing perfectly well what would happen. He knew that you would kill Him but He came anyway. His love has no limits-it doesn't even stop at death. He explains to you that when you killed Him it was in order to bring you life. Through the shedding of innocent blood is there life. You have undeservedly been created, and after you tainted the relationship you have undeservedly received grace. He tells you there is nothing you can do to take His love from you. Death has been defeated. You are sanctified and forgiven and held. Everything that had been haunting you since your fall has been destroyed and there is no more fear, no more death, no more pain.
Happily ever after.
You see, the reason WHY we love stories so much...why little girls idolize princesses...why preachers tell stories to get their point across...why Jesus spoke in parables...why we watch movies...why we write poetry and stay up late writing a blog post...is because WE are part of this story. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US. When we hear a story it reminds us of our own story that God started and ended was in every single moment of. God was even in the moment of horror when we wanted to die and were stricken with grief.
The Bible is that story....one big collective story of God's people and their fall, depravity and redemption. It's my favorite story. It's my story. I am Saul turned Paul. I am Peter walking on water. I am Daniel being thrown into the lion's den. I am Gideon. These are miniature stories-all combined to form one complete story-about each and every one of us. All of the things actually took place, but they are all pictures of each and every one of our lives.
Why do little girls make themselves look pretty and sit and anxiously await the arrival of their prince? Because written on their hearts is the story of the Creator who really came to rescue His princess. He has wired us with an instinctive knowledge of stories because He wants us to see what He has actually done.
And I will leave you with a book recommendation haha: If you want a book that tells our entire story in a clear captivating way, get "Story" by Steven James. It's one my favorite books in the entire world. So yeah.
and FINALLY sorry it took me so stinkin long to get another post up here. I'm gonna try to post more frequently. Thanks for reading =]
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
Me
So my first post was all about my journey-how God has literally stepped into my world and how that affects every part of my life-but mainly that last post was my spiritual life. But in order to effectively blog about what's going on in my life, I feel like I should give some background on who I am.
So, without any further ado, my name is Kayla Rae Christie...I'm 15 years old and I live in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. I'm homeschooled and a sophomore in highschool. My parents are a HUGE example to me of love in my life; they've been married for 19 stinkin years. They both love God more than anything else and desire for my brothers and me to do the same, but they don't force it down our throats.
I was born in Colorado Springs, Colorado, where I lived for about 6 years. Over the next 4 years I lived in 2 more states and at least 4 more houses until we finally moved to NC. I love it here; I have an amazinggggg church family and friends who love me and care enough to tell me the truth no matter how hard it is. I call North Carolina home because it certainly has been for the last almost 6 years.
I've always been fairly introverted...my parents actually thought I was autistic when I was a toddler because they would call my name and I wouldn't even flinch but just keep staring! =]To this day when I get on a roll thinking, not a whole lot can stop it. It's a blessing and a curse. I also learned how to read when I was 5 years old, I believe, and haven't really stopped. I love a good book. I was reading the Little House on the Prairie series in Kindergarten. And finally, I have journals that I filled up when I was 6 years old. As long as I can remember I've had a journal and actively written in it. It's my escape to write...some people find it through music and some through sports...but I find it in writing. I sit down to write in my journal and start writing, and before I know it, it's 2am and I've been writing for HOURS without even looking up. It just flows out...no real thought process...I think my pen just likes to take over when I let it.
I've been ENORMOUSLY blessed with the people God has placed in my life. I've been majorly influenced by the love of my parents. I have 2 grandmas and 2 grandpas who all love me, I have one older brother and one younger, both of whom are among my best friends. I feel a tremendous amount of love from all of my family, really. And in 6th grade I met a whole myriad of people that have changed my life forever. First off, Shawn and Jen Maurer....holy moley...I love these two. Shawn was my middle-school minister at church and still remains a trusted source and someone I truly look up to-In more ways than one. ;) Jen became one of my small group leaders in 6th grade and long after I graduate, I imagine she's gonna be one of those people I call up and share everything with. Both of them have invested a LOT in teaching me what God really says and shaping me into a woman that honors God.
Along with them are Mike and Jill Bennett, and Sherri Andrews. Jill and Sherri are my other two small group leaders and both have been there for me whenever I need them. They are my secondary moms =]. Mike is currently my music teacher, teaching me piano, but before that he was a youth leader that I really respected and loved. I still remember lessons that he taught us at camp in 6th or 7th grade about David.
Another major influence is Patrick Willis. =] He was a junior in highschool when I met him on the Bible Bowl team at the church; always known as the goofball-mascot kind of guy. I don't have time to tell the whole story, but basically Patrick became an older brother to me and a couple of my friends. He's been there to give us advice and make us laugh when we're upset and most of all he's been an example to us of what a godly man is supposed to look like. He has treated everyone he's ever known with the utmost respect in humility that I haven't seen paralleled by any other person in my life.
Also, the interns we've had at Pinedale have all influenced me. In 6th grade, the current Julie Kaye Haltom was our intern for just a few short months, but boy did she do a lot while she was here. She was one of the first people who taught me about my identity as a woman and I will be forever grateful for everything she did for me. Just this past year Anne Marie Durham (WHO IS BECOMING ANNE MARIE WILSON TODAYYYY BY THE WAY!!!!!) was our girl's intern-from June 2008-June 2009-and I can't imagine what my life would've been like without her. She was there every time I needed her and is my role-model...I find myself talking like her and acting like her...but she's someone I definitely WANT to be like. And currently our girl's intern is Katie Rath...I LOVE HER so much. I've known her since I was in 6th grade, I think, but just this summer she became our intern. She is so amazing...she's strong and focused and sososo loving; I actually have a confession to make: One of my favorite things in the WHOLE WORLD is when she grabs me and hugs me and kisses the top of my head. Katie is one of those people with a dynamic personality that just oozes love...and recently she's been able to give me some great advice on how to deal with some stuff.
AND (I know what you're thinking...sheesh....this girl has a LOT of influences in her life...but I'm extremely thankful for it =]) Michelle Sailer...I think I've known her the longest of any lasting relationship I've had in North Carolina...I met her when I was in 4TH GRADE and then she was just the daughter of one of my mom's new friends. But Michelle has invested herself into making me feel loved and like I have a voice. We've found over the last couple years that we're very much alike; we've gone through a lot of the same stuff and handle it in very similar ways. Because of it she has REALLY impacted me and been able to give great advice.
Well, let's see.....what else do you need to know about me? ; ) haha. I think the single most important thing is that I have a personal relationship with the God who made the Universe. I eluded to it in my first post, but life would not exist PERIOD without Him. I can't do anything without Him and I can do ANYTHING with Him. I'm at a loss for words...(which probably shocks you) but my relationship with Him is #1. Like I described in my Introduction, my relationship with Him DOES have it's ups and downs...but that's part of the journey. Right now my life consists solely of stretching and growing and taking every aspect of my life further than I believed I could. I desire to push myself to the limit with everything...and it's NOT easy. I know a lot of people who are very motivated and driven and have amazing focus but that's something I'm just beginning to work on. In the Bible Paul talked a lot about keeping your eyes on the prize and running with the intention of winning it...and at this stage in my life I'm definitely taking those words seriously. Something HUGE that I believe in is young people-kids-teenagers-and twenty-somethings impacting the culture. We can't sit around and wait for some gray hairs to show up before we change our world. We have no idea how long we have on this earth and so wasting our time is simply no longer and option.
Jesus has called each and every person-no matter where they are, or what they have, or how old they are-to LOVE deeply and sacrificially as He did. That is our purpose of being here....that is our mission. The little slogan of my youth group is simply "Love God, Love Others". That's what we're trying to do. That's what we EXIST to do. That's what God is TEACHING me how to do.
So, after all of that...I'm excited to share how each of these factors is involved in my journey...my LOVE story...that I exist as just a small part of. I pray that my labor and fumbling for words will have a purpose and that they will effect someone, somewhere, somehow. I pray I'm just a tool...and that somehow people will be drawn to living differently through the words He gives me. And I hope that you will be able to see some of yourself in what I'm saying and that we can grow together. =]
Much love,
Kayla
So, without any further ado, my name is Kayla Rae Christie...I'm 15 years old and I live in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. I'm homeschooled and a sophomore in highschool. My parents are a HUGE example to me of love in my life; they've been married for 19 stinkin years. They both love God more than anything else and desire for my brothers and me to do the same, but they don't force it down our throats.
I was born in Colorado Springs, Colorado, where I lived for about 6 years. Over the next 4 years I lived in 2 more states and at least 4 more houses until we finally moved to NC. I love it here; I have an amazinggggg church family and friends who love me and care enough to tell me the truth no matter how hard it is. I call North Carolina home because it certainly has been for the last almost 6 years.
I've always been fairly introverted...my parents actually thought I was autistic when I was a toddler because they would call my name and I wouldn't even flinch but just keep staring! =]To this day when I get on a roll thinking, not a whole lot can stop it. It's a blessing and a curse. I also learned how to read when I was 5 years old, I believe, and haven't really stopped. I love a good book. I was reading the Little House on the Prairie series in Kindergarten. And finally, I have journals that I filled up when I was 6 years old. As long as I can remember I've had a journal and actively written in it. It's my escape to write...some people find it through music and some through sports...but I find it in writing. I sit down to write in my journal and start writing, and before I know it, it's 2am and I've been writing for HOURS without even looking up. It just flows out...no real thought process...I think my pen just likes to take over when I let it.
I've been ENORMOUSLY blessed with the people God has placed in my life. I've been majorly influenced by the love of my parents. I have 2 grandmas and 2 grandpas who all love me, I have one older brother and one younger, both of whom are among my best friends. I feel a tremendous amount of love from all of my family, really. And in 6th grade I met a whole myriad of people that have changed my life forever. First off, Shawn and Jen Maurer....holy moley...I love these two. Shawn was my middle-school minister at church and still remains a trusted source and someone I truly look up to-In more ways than one. ;) Jen became one of my small group leaders in 6th grade and long after I graduate, I imagine she's gonna be one of those people I call up and share everything with. Both of them have invested a LOT in teaching me what God really says and shaping me into a woman that honors God.
Along with them are Mike and Jill Bennett, and Sherri Andrews. Jill and Sherri are my other two small group leaders and both have been there for me whenever I need them. They are my secondary moms =]. Mike is currently my music teacher, teaching me piano, but before that he was a youth leader that I really respected and loved. I still remember lessons that he taught us at camp in 6th or 7th grade about David.
Another major influence is Patrick Willis. =] He was a junior in highschool when I met him on the Bible Bowl team at the church; always known as the goofball-mascot kind of guy. I don't have time to tell the whole story, but basically Patrick became an older brother to me and a couple of my friends. He's been there to give us advice and make us laugh when we're upset and most of all he's been an example to us of what a godly man is supposed to look like. He has treated everyone he's ever known with the utmost respect in humility that I haven't seen paralleled by any other person in my life.
Also, the interns we've had at Pinedale have all influenced me. In 6th grade, the current Julie Kaye Haltom was our intern for just a few short months, but boy did she do a lot while she was here. She was one of the first people who taught me about my identity as a woman and I will be forever grateful for everything she did for me. Just this past year Anne Marie Durham (WHO IS BECOMING ANNE MARIE WILSON TODAYYYY BY THE WAY!!!!!) was our girl's intern-from June 2008-June 2009-and I can't imagine what my life would've been like without her. She was there every time I needed her and is my role-model...I find myself talking like her and acting like her...but she's someone I definitely WANT to be like. And currently our girl's intern is Katie Rath...I LOVE HER so much. I've known her since I was in 6th grade, I think, but just this summer she became our intern. She is so amazing...she's strong and focused and sososo loving; I actually have a confession to make: One of my favorite things in the WHOLE WORLD is when she grabs me and hugs me and kisses the top of my head. Katie is one of those people with a dynamic personality that just oozes love...and recently she's been able to give me some great advice on how to deal with some stuff.
AND (I know what you're thinking...sheesh....this girl has a LOT of influences in her life...but I'm extremely thankful for it =]) Michelle Sailer...I think I've known her the longest of any lasting relationship I've had in North Carolina...I met her when I was in 4TH GRADE and then she was just the daughter of one of my mom's new friends. But Michelle has invested herself into making me feel loved and like I have a voice. We've found over the last couple years that we're very much alike; we've gone through a lot of the same stuff and handle it in very similar ways. Because of it she has REALLY impacted me and been able to give great advice.
Well, let's see.....what else do you need to know about me? ; ) haha. I think the single most important thing is that I have a personal relationship with the God who made the Universe. I eluded to it in my first post, but life would not exist PERIOD without Him. I can't do anything without Him and I can do ANYTHING with Him. I'm at a loss for words...(which probably shocks you) but my relationship with Him is #1. Like I described in my Introduction, my relationship with Him DOES have it's ups and downs...but that's part of the journey. Right now my life consists solely of stretching and growing and taking every aspect of my life further than I believed I could. I desire to push myself to the limit with everything...and it's NOT easy. I know a lot of people who are very motivated and driven and have amazing focus but that's something I'm just beginning to work on. In the Bible Paul talked a lot about keeping your eyes on the prize and running with the intention of winning it...and at this stage in my life I'm definitely taking those words seriously. Something HUGE that I believe in is young people-kids-teenagers-and twenty-somethings impacting the culture. We can't sit around and wait for some gray hairs to show up before we change our world. We have no idea how long we have on this earth and so wasting our time is simply no longer and option.
Jesus has called each and every person-no matter where they are, or what they have, or how old they are-to LOVE deeply and sacrificially as He did. That is our purpose of being here....that is our mission. The little slogan of my youth group is simply "Love God, Love Others". That's what we're trying to do. That's what we EXIST to do. That's what God is TEACHING me how to do.
So, after all of that...I'm excited to share how each of these factors is involved in my journey...my LOVE story...that I exist as just a small part of. I pray that my labor and fumbling for words will have a purpose and that they will effect someone, somewhere, somehow. I pray I'm just a tool...and that somehow people will be drawn to living differently through the words He gives me. And I hope that you will be able to see some of yourself in what I'm saying and that we can grow together. =]
Much love,
Kayla
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Introduction of My Story
Dear World,
Hi, my name is awkward 15 year old girl. Let me tell you a little about myself. Well first, I exist as a tiny speck in a tiny town in a small state in a big country of a tiny planet, which is in a tiny galaxy among millions of them. All of these encompass my universe, which in turn exists as another tiny speck in the hand of my God. Needless to say He is HUGE.
But you know what? He loves me. He tells me that everyday via sunsets over the horizon and a virtuoso's melodies, through soft spring nights and a mother with her babe. The only problem is-in a sense-I am blind. Yes, I can see the sunsets and the life-blood of love, but I only actually soak them in sometimes. I have taken a perfect relationship with the All-Powerful God I mentioned and, kicking and screaming, pulled away.
Now of course I want nothing but to go back to how it was before-but He told me that isn't possible yet. With tears in His eyes He became even smaller than I am now in order to right my wrong by paying for it. In bitter grief I turned my head as this beautiful God-man bled for me. Now I am waiting for Him to come back to me and destroy death-the last enemy. I have done everything to be undeserving and everything to spite His love, but it flows freely anyway. That is why in those gifts of sunsets and melodies and spring and nurture I feel enclosed A Love Song that brings tears to my eyes- a song I've never deserved but hear bits of that sustain me 'til the day when I can be with Him forever. I intentionally blinded myself and pulled away but it doesn't have to be like that anymore. He has healed me.
So now, I am this tiny speck worth galaxies to the One whose opinion really matters. It gets awfully hard to remember what His face looks like sometimes when all I can see is the darkness. It goes without saying that so often I just forget about Him. What nerve I have...that I should forget Him. I don't even need to explain how ridiculous that is.
Between encounters with Him I slip so far down and have nightmares about who I am and what I've done to Him. It pains me so much...and I become so hopeless sometimes. But the love story part of this is His investment in a bride who has done everything wrong and He loves her in spite of it. That is love. I chase Him and pursue Him and find Him hidden in His people and His miracles and His universe. Desperately I stumble after Him because instinctively I can comprehend that I need Him; even when I've brainwashed myself and become this prodigal I understand that I need Him and can't do it alone.
That moment is brutal and comforting, stern and affectionate. I step down off my pedestal and give Him back the wheel and let Him drive, because He knows best. I face two major extremes in my journey, to summarize: one is a feeling of extreme unworthiness and self-hate, and the other a bloated pride and self-savior mentality. One I desperately desire help, the other I believe I can be strong for everyone else. But I am under the loving care of the One who knows best and has righted my wrongs in perfect humility.
Hi, my name is awkward 15 year old girl. Let me tell you a little about myself. Well first, I exist as a tiny speck in a tiny town in a small state in a big country of a tiny planet, which is in a tiny galaxy among millions of them. All of these encompass my universe, which in turn exists as another tiny speck in the hand of my God. Needless to say He is HUGE.
But you know what? He loves me. He tells me that everyday via sunsets over the horizon and a virtuoso's melodies, through soft spring nights and a mother with her babe. The only problem is-in a sense-I am blind. Yes, I can see the sunsets and the life-blood of love, but I only actually soak them in sometimes. I have taken a perfect relationship with the All-Powerful God I mentioned and, kicking and screaming, pulled away.
Now of course I want nothing but to go back to how it was before-but He told me that isn't possible yet. With tears in His eyes He became even smaller than I am now in order to right my wrong by paying for it. In bitter grief I turned my head as this beautiful God-man bled for me. Now I am waiting for Him to come back to me and destroy death-the last enemy. I have done everything to be undeserving and everything to spite His love, but it flows freely anyway. That is why in those gifts of sunsets and melodies and spring and nurture I feel enclosed A Love Song that brings tears to my eyes- a song I've never deserved but hear bits of that sustain me 'til the day when I can be with Him forever. I intentionally blinded myself and pulled away but it doesn't have to be like that anymore. He has healed me.
So now, I am this tiny speck worth galaxies to the One whose opinion really matters. It gets awfully hard to remember what His face looks like sometimes when all I can see is the darkness. It goes without saying that so often I just forget about Him. What nerve I have...that I should forget Him. I don't even need to explain how ridiculous that is.
Between encounters with Him I slip so far down and have nightmares about who I am and what I've done to Him. It pains me so much...and I become so hopeless sometimes. But the love story part of this is His investment in a bride who has done everything wrong and He loves her in spite of it. That is love. I chase Him and pursue Him and find Him hidden in His people and His miracles and His universe. Desperately I stumble after Him because instinctively I can comprehend that I need Him; even when I've brainwashed myself and become this prodigal I understand that I need Him and can't do it alone.
In contrast, sometimes after and encounter with my God things keep going great. The nightmares cease and the pits level out. Evenutally my perception
of myself has swelled so much that I become haughty, and, forgetting my need for my Savior, attempt to be MY OWN. When you start thinking you can be god and quickly discover you can't, you fall pretty hard. My vision is hazed as I try to pick myself up and try to display that I can handle life by myself. Slowly I build myself up again, and one day I come crashing down again. In the midst of this God watches me and laugh-cries, because I am so foolish and so small and like a tottering infant I try to act like an adult. But He steps in anyway and reminds me whose I am. That moment is brutal and comforting, stern and affectionate. I step down off my pedestal and give Him back the wheel and let Him drive, because He knows best. I face two major extremes in my journey, to summarize: one is a feeling of extreme unworthiness and self-hate, and the other a bloated pride and self-savior mentality. One I desperately desire help, the other I believe I can be strong for everyone else. But I am under the loving care of the One who knows best and has righted my wrongs in perfect humility.
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